


Guides, Protocols, and Apologies

by 1thy_truth_is_won0



Series: Avengers' Do Not List [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Fantastic Four, Journey into Mystery, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-15
Updated: 2014-11-09
Packaged: 2018-01-24 20:44:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1616435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1thy_truth_is_won0/pseuds/1thy_truth_is_won0
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to The Avengers' Do Not List or Never Do Again List.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rules and Responsibilities

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Thor, Iron Man, Captain America or any other Marvel characters. I have no money, and no connections to the comic book and film industry, so I have no chance to own anything.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starting with Kid Loki, because I still miss him.

**Rules and Responsibilities- Loki Laufeyson**

**The following is a code of conduct that will be reviewed by the legal guardian of Loki Laufeyson. This will be obeyed.**

Flying the Helacarrier does not count as driving hours. Also, do not fly the Helacarrier.

Using JARVIS to recreate scenes from the videogame _Portal_ is prohibited.

The testing of ice powers are only allowed in the Level 0 training area, not in the Level 9, or the Main Control Room. And you will cease the requests of making skating rinks.

Dr. Banner’s dog is not for testing out new spells.

No, you will not have Thori enter a dog show, or doggie day care, or near a park.

We understand you have been in existence for nearly a thousand years, but as the Asgardian Royal family had told us you are physically, emotionally and mentally an adolescent. So no, you are not of legal drinking age, not allowed in night clubs or raves and you will follow your curfew and education regulations.

This also relates to any traveling, galactic or otherwise, in which you will have an adult to accompany you.

We know what you recorded, we know that you uploaded it, do it again and you can kiss your Stark Phone and Wi-Fi access goodbye.

**We hope that this will help in not only the safety of yourself but the benefit of your family.**

**Agent Kolinsky**

**Human Resource Department**

**Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loki in this universe is the ward of Thor and is occasionally looked after by Selvig and Aunt May, if anyone wanted to know. Next up is Darcy Lewis.
> 
> Kudos are great, but comments, actual comments are wanted.
> 
> Actually I need comments or else I can't go on.


	2. Yes, I Did

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its Darcy's turn now. As requested, like a year ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Thor, Iron Man, Captain America or any other Marvel characters. I have no money, and no connections to the comic book and film industry, so I have no chance to own anything.

**Yes, I did- Darcy Lewis**

**Jane,**

**I just got a disciplinary letter- how does that work anyway? We don’t work for S.H.I.E.L.D., at least not officially. But yeah, I want to know what I have to do so they don’t throw me in a windowless cell.**

**Darcy**

 

To Ms. Lewis,

 The following is a code of conduct prompted by past incidents.  Considering your affiliation with the Avengers and with SHIELD, it would be to your best interest to earnestly consider the guidelines.   

  *          Stop having Stark upgrade the Taser.
  *          The endurance test with the Taser will stop. We do not care if you have permission from the participants.
  *          The course _One Thousands Ways to Inflict Pain with a Taser_ will be discontinued from Loki Laufeyson’s syllabus
  *          The Taser will be confiscated. You will be compensated with a standard issue replacement.
  *          _Zombieland_ will not be used as reference for zombie outbreak training.
  *          _Y_ ou will no longer give unsolicited consulting for the zombie outbreak training, or any other training.
  *          Mr. Peter Parker is only authorized to chaperone Loki Laufeyson. He is not qualified to be a substitute tutor when you are unavailable, stop calling him.
  *          Mr. John Storm is not the clone or long lost descendant of Captain Steve Rogers- stop telling people that.
  *          You and Parker will cease the “Calendar Project” and will stop scheduling photo ops with the Avengers.
  *          You and Parker will cease the project _FAME_ and if further footage is released to the public, you will be arrested.
  *          Stop talking to Peter Parker.
  *          You are a licensed tutor assigned to look after Loki Laufeyson’s education; this does not include automobile driving, at least until he is of legal age.
  *          You are prohibited from Level 9 training area.



We thank you for your time.

Agent Kolinsky  
Human Resource Department  
Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division

 

Darcy,

I talked to Coulson, apparently SHIELD is going through some crisis so we’re not their priority right now. Just lay low and if you hear anyone say “Hail Hydra” just contact him, Ms. Hill or Rogers.  Also, you, the kid and Ian really can’t go to Level 9. Other than that, you’re in the clear.

Please bring coffee.

Jane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So who's next?


	3. A List for Serious Consideration and Commentary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How did Johnny end up here? He annoyed Coulson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, its been awhile, I am so sorry.

FROM:  [human.torch_is_awsome@baxter.net](mailto:human.torch_is_awsome@baxter.net)  
DATE: Saturday, June 27, 2014, 7:27PM  
TO: [pb.parker@esu.edu](mailto:pb.parker@esu.edu)  
SUBJECT: What the hell?

Parker,

I’m with F4, not the Avengers. How did SHIELD get jurisdiction on me?

J. Storm

 

FROM:  pb.parker@esu.edu  
DATE: Saturday, June 27, 2014, 7:27PM  
TO: [human.torch_is_awsome@baxter.net](mailto:human.torch_is_awsome@baxter.net)  
SUBJECT: RE: What the hell?

Johnny,

You know how Grimm is an auxiliary member? And you were given permission to visit the Tower and headquarters? Well somehow that gave SHIELD permission to do-not list you. Plus it wasn’t smart to post all that stuff on Twitter. I think they had Congress pass a new bill because of you. Feel proud, because that hasn’t happen since Stark.

Parker

P.S.

I completely agree with the first thing. And the last thing.  I made a commentary. Consider it rites of passage.

**A List that Johnny Storm Need to Seriously Consider**

  * **Mr. Peter Parker is not to be used as Crazy Person Radar in any circumstance.**  
  
Peter: That means you’re not allowed to take me with you on blind dates to see if the girl is a serial killer. Figure it out yourself.  
Darcy: But Stark takes you to most interviews to see if potential employees might hold a grudge against him.  
Peter: I work for him, its my job.  
  
  



  * ****_Can This Melt?_ game event will be canceled, and all plans to profit from previous events will grounds for your arrest.  
  
Peter: You know they tried to arrest me once, just ask me how it went.  
Loki: How did it go?  
Peter: I can’t tell you, the details are part of an ongoing investigation.  
  
  
  

  * **Please stop volunteering to be the test subject for magic spells. This include the fire you produce to come to life, letting Loki Laufeyson ice you, and especially for the spell that supposedly, as many put it, “find your spirit animal.”**  
  
Peter: Guess what my spirit animal is.  
Darcy: A giant spider?  
Peter: Yes, how did you guess? ;-)  
Darcy: The guys told me how you got really plastered and told them that its your life's goal to find a giant spider and no one can stop you.  
Peter:... Remind me to kill Johnny and Flash.



  
  


  * **The Level One Training area and Holodeck is not a social area. There will be no costume party and you will return the Devil Evel Knievel, the Jack Frost and Assassin’s Creed costumes.**  
  
Peter: No. 1, I made those and No. 2, do our uniforms count? Can we come in our uniforms?  
Darcy: You…made those?  
Peter: What? You’ve seen my suits; I got a lot of practice.  
Darcy: We’ll have the party at my place.  
Loki: yes! I am so doing my new spell.  
Darcy  & Peter: NO.  
Loki: This party is going to be boring.  
  
  
  

  * **Attending fraternity parties do not count as college tours.**  
  
Peter: Told you. You can send the check in the mail.  
Darcy: What?  
Peter: We had a bet on this- if he would get into trouble if he went to a party at ESU and say it was a college tour. I just won three hundred dollars.  
Darcy: What?  How drunk was he when you made that bet?  
Peter: He was tipsy on alcohol but drunk on pride.  
  
  



  * **Due to several incidents that resulted in fires, police and insurances ratings increasing, the weekly poker game will be monitored.**  
  
Peter: Good, because I think Flash cheats.  
Flash: I do not cheat. Ask Frosty.  
Loki: Stop calling me that. And no, Mr. Thompson doesn’t cheat. None you cheat. Because you are bad at it. I can have five Aces up my sleeve and none you ever noticed.  
Peter: Let me correct myself- I’m glad that we are being monitored because Loki cheats.



 

  * **Whatever happened that led to the demolishment of the Level 9 training area, never do it again.  
  
** Peter: I would use the Forget machine to wipe that from our minds but it broke.  
Darcy: Did you ever use it to forget _Breaking Dawn_?  
Peter: What’s breaking dawn?  
  




FROM:  [human.torch_is_awsome@baxter.net](mailto:human.torch_is_awsome@baxter.net)  
DATE: Saturday, June 27, 2014, 7:27PM  
TO: [pb.parker@esu.edu](mailto:pb.parker@esu.edu)  
SUBJECT: I can set your hair on fire

Parker,

I also got a call from Coulson. I think he’s going to throw me in prison. I will make you have a Twilight marathon.

J. Storm

 

FROM:  [pb.parker@esu.edu](mailto:pb.parker@esu.edu)  
DATE: Saturday, June 27, 2014, 7:27PM  
TO: [human.torch_is_awsome@baxter.net](mailto:human.torch_is_awsome@baxter.net)  
SUBJECT: and I can web yours

Johnny,

Look, Coulson is not going to throw you in prison, but don’t get on his bad side. Just be on your best behavior for the next month. And direct your anger to your sister and Grimm.

Parker

PS- I’m bringing the soda for the party so stop bugging me.

 


	4. I want to be a world conqueror b/c I'm bored

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki wants to runaway and take over the world. Again. But he's thirteen now so hopefully the adults will have better luck with him.

**FROM:**[ **icewizard@gmail.com**](mailto:icewizard@gmail.com)  
DATE: Monday, October 2, 2014, 9:20AM  
TO: [**thor_odinson@global.net**](mailto:thor_odinson@global.net)  
SUBJECT: Read this

Thor,  
I am letting you know that I am running away and will probably became evil. Blame SHIELD, they cut off my Wi-Fi and canceled Can This Melt game. Let them know that its their fault when I come back to conquer the world.  
Yours,  
Loki

**FROM:**[ **jefoster@columbia.edu**](mailto:jefoster@columbia.edu)  
DATE: Monday, October 2, 2014, 11:05AM  
TO: [**e.selvigg@oxford.edu**](mailto:e.selvigg@oxford.edu)  
SUBJECT:  Help

Erik,  
Thor is saving the world and Loki decided to run away. Please get him back.  
Jane

**FROM:**[ **e.selvigg@oxford.edu**](mailto:e.selvigg@oxford.edu)  
DATE: Monday, October 2, 2014, 11:25AM  
TO: [**icewizard@gmail.com**](mailto:icewizard@gmail.com)  
SUBJECT:  Get Home Now

Loki,  
Get your behind back here or I will put your homework on hold. Then I’ll get Volstagg to up your chores.  
Erik

**FROM:**[ **icewizard@gmail.com**](mailto:icewizard@gmail.com)  
DATE: Monday, October 2, 2014, 11:43PM  
TO: [**e.selvigg@oxford.edu**](mailto:e.selvigg@oxford.edu)  
SUBJECT:RE:  Get Home Now

Erik,  
I am an adolescent of earth. I don’t like homework. Your threats are meaningless.  
Loki

 **FROM:**[ **e.selvigg@oxford.edu**](mailto:e.selvigg@oxford.edu)  
DATE: Monday, October 2, 2014, 11:58AM  
TO: [**icewizard@gmail.com**](mailto:icewizard@gmail.com)  
SUBJECT:RE:  Get Home Now

Loki,  
You used your vacation time to translate the Runamo Inscription, homework is your life. Now do I have to get You Know Who involved?

 

 **FROM:**[ **icewizard@gmail.com**](mailto:icewizard@gmail.com)  
DATE: Monday, October 2, 2014, 2:03PM  
TO: [**e.selvigg@oxford.edu**](mailto:e.selvigg@oxford.edu)  
SUBJECT:RE:  Get Home Now

Erik,  
You win. Besides, according to Ms. Lewis, trying to conquer the world is more trouble than what its worth. I would have to draw up a constitution, have an economic policy, and reissue currency to world standard. Then I’ll have to restore other countries from economic stagnation, and deal with hunger crisis, religious problems, and overpopulation. And with all that I will have to deal with rebel groups. I don’t want fight rebels, I am a rebel. So let the world know that I have no interest in being its leader.  
  
Honestly, you should just list all your problems, show it to any world-be conqueror and let them know what they would be getting into. I bet you anything that they will change their plans.

Loki

 

 **FROM:[ **e.selvigg@oxford.edu**](mailto:e.selvigg@oxford.edu)  **  
 **DATE:** Monday, October 2, 2014, 11:05AM  
 **TO:**[ **jefoster@columbia.edu**](mailto:jefoster@columbia.edu)  
 **SUBJECT:**  He's back

Jane,  
Everything is fine now. Loki is with me and Darcy and I got him a new physics book. You can pick him up after work.

Erik

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made Erik sane again and the voice of reason instead of the hilarious crazy man stint he was stuck with in Thor 2. To be honest Erik being comic relief (because crazy people are funny, right?) was the only problem I had with the movie. That and how the Dark Elves were underused (they got Christopher Eccleston and they didn't use him properly).
> 
> I was all set to other Avengers but Kid!Loki crept in and this is the result. Might be a recurring thing. Now I need inspiration for more Avengers and I need references to familiarize myself. So...any recommendations for Falcon, Ms. Marvel and the like? And X-Men, all I know is the Evolution cartoon and the movies.


	5. Falcon Needs His Wings (and they need to be customized)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam Wilson needs his wings repaired, and SHIELD doesn't want him to go to Tony Stark. So yeah, he went to Tony Stark. Its from his company anyway.

**To Mr. Samuel Thomas Wilson,**

**Due to lack of funds and resources, we cannot repair the Flight-Exoskeleton X-2 Code name FALCON. We were able to make sure that no one will go to jail since this was technically stolen government property.**

**Do not, at any time or circumstance, solicit the help of Tony Stark.**

**Agent Kolinsky**  
 **Human Resource Department**  
 **Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division**

 

* * *

 

S. Wilson: Hey Steve, SHIELD just told me that I can’t get Stark to fix my wings.

Cap: You already did, didn't you?

S. Wilson: It’s a good thing its his invention.  All I had to do was say that it was his and it broke. Then he started babbling about making it better and maybe throw in a new paint job, just to be nice.

Cap: Well, he’ll be busy. And that should make him happy.

Stark: Hey Wilson, how do you feel about yellow and red? Never mind, you’re getting some new features.

S. Wilson: Stark, I’m fine with yellow and red.

 

* * *

 

**To Mr. Samuel Thomas Wilson,**

**Since you took it upon yourself to have the repairs done by Stark, against our recommendation, you are required to fill the G-09 Forms.**

**Agent Kolinsky**  
 **Human Resource Department**  
 **Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division**

 

* * *

 

S. Wilson: Steve?

Cap: Yeah?

S. Wilson: I got forms to fill out, the pile is about Game of Thrones size.

Cap: So, that’s a lot?

S. Wilson: Yeah.

Stark: Heard you’re got queued by SHIELD, sending JARVIS over. I need you free for the test flight. 

S. Wilson: Okay. But don't do the thing.

Stark: We're not doing the thing. We're doing a completely different thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like this one. Poor Falcon, I'll try to do better next time.


	6. Technical Assistance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce needs help with his computer, so he gets it. Tony is not helpful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I know nothing about computers.

**Galaga Wars**

**Who Will Win**

**Sign Up!**

* * *

 

 **Tony:** Hi Brucie. 

 **Bruce:** Hey Stark, I need help with this new program.

 **Tony:** What’s up?

 **Bruce:** I have no idea. I typed something and then it all froze. I’ve done everything, even checked the motor.

 **Tony:** Looking for the match? Me too. They had to schedule after that thing on Level 9.

 **Bruce** : Still need help.

**Agent Thompson:** My apologies Dr. Banner, it’s the new firewalls that’s been installed. Its been affecting anyone who’s looking into SHIELD.

**Bruce:** Who is this?

 **Tony:** And why are you in this conversation? Is Fury still mad at us? Or is it May now?

 **Agent Thompson:** Okay, I rerouted the channels, and cleared up the bugs that were getting in. Your computer should be fine.

 **Bruce:** No seriously, who is this?

 **Tony:** Ms. Hill maybe? Coulson’s kid?

 **Agent Thompson:** Agent Craig Thompson, from SHIELD Tech Division.  Actually, we’ve sort of met before.

 **Bruce:** ….

 **Tony:** …..

 **Agent Thompson:** I was on deck during the Incident.

 **Bruce** : ….

 **Tony:** …. We need Face Time

 **Agent Thompson:** I was playing Galaga.

 **Bruce:** Oh hi.

 **Tony:** Your name is Craig?

 **Agent Thompson:** Please lets focus on the situation.

 **Tony:** What do you do now?

 **Agent Thompson:** What? I work for SHIELD. I just told you.

 **Bruce:** Yes, but he has the attention span of a two year old, so you need to repeat yourself.

 **Tony:** Which one?

 **Bruce:** See?

 **Agent Thompson:** The real one?

 **Tony:** So the jackasses who didn’t help?

 **Bruce:** Wait, what?

 **Tony:** Hill told us over dinner. A whole SHIELD ship decided to go rogue. But instead of being awesome and do heroic stuff, they just sat on their butts and spied on Coulson. _Coulson_. That’s like the most boring thing ever.

 **Agent Thompson:** Hey! … But yeah, that’s pretty much what happened. But its okay now, everyone is working together now.

 **Tony** : Still, who did you work for?

 **Agent Thompson:** Dr. Banner, I thought you said he had a short attention span?

 **Bruce:** Unless he latches onto something. Then he’s obsessed.

 **Agent Thompson:** Fine… I first worked with Coulson’s, which was taken over. So now I work for Agent May now.

 **Bruce:** I feel like I missed a lot.

 **Agent Thompson:** That’s what Captain Rogers said after he told.

 **Tony:** Oh, you guys have Galaga matches! When’s the next one? I tried to get Coulson’s kid to tell me, but then May got all angry.

 **Bruce:** Coulson has a kid?

 **Tony:** This girl named Skye. She was an activist or something.

 **Agent Thompson** : Okay, I fixed the problem. It should run smoother now. Also updated your own firewall and clearance. And the match is at 4 under Super_Spy and Agent Johnson is overseeing it.

 **Bruce:** Thanks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So who's next?


	7. Hunger Games and Don Bluth Soundtracks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jane is overwhelmed by young Loki and everyone tries to help, even though she didn't want them to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is about Jane. Kind of. It got taken over by Loki, again.

**Darcy_Lewis: Hey, where are you?**

**Jane-Foster: Still here. I can’t leave Loki alone.**

**Darcy_Lewis: What happened to the godling?**

**Jane-Foster: He found Thori’s collar and locked himself in his room.**

**Darcy_: Wait, Thori’s the hell dog who almost got the kid killed?**

**Jane-Foster: He’s also the dog who Loki rescued so that betrayal hit him really hard.**

**Jane-Foster: Dammit. He put on _The Hunger Games_ soundtrack. **

**Darcy_Lewis: Which part?**

**Jane-Foster: When Rue dies.**

**Darcy_Lewis: So this is serious.**

**Darcy_Lewis: Maybe you can get him a new dog.**

**Jane-Foster: How will that make things better?**

**Darcy_Lewis: How it can make it worse? He might like a normal dog and he can handle it.**

**Jane-Foster: First) No he can’t and Second) my building doesn’t allow dogs.**

**Jane-Foster: Just stall the presentation until I get someone here.**

* * *

 

 

**Darcy_Lewis: Hey Jane, Cap got the kid a dog. And I am still stalling the people.**

* * *

 

 

**Jane-Foster: Steve?**

**S_Rogers: Good morning.**

**Jane-Foster: Steve, did you got Loki a dog?**

**S_Rogers: Yeah, I have a friend who runs a dog shelter.**

**Jane-Foster: Why did you get him a dog?**

**S_Rogers: Lewis told me of the situation and it seem like a good solution. Also, I’m coming over.**

**Jane-Foster: Great. You can take the dog back too.**

**S_Rogers: What? Why?**

**S_Rogers: If this about the responsibility, don’t worry, he’s already trained and if your landlord gives you trouble, he can stay with me.**

**Jane-Foster: Take the dog back. Loki isn’t ready for another dog.**

**S_Rogers: He loves Banner’s dog.**

**Jane-Foster: Grover is a Brazilian mutt, not a literal hellhound whose death caused him to have a breakdown.**

**S_Rogers: Jane, I understand but I think a dog will be good for him. I’m coming over, you can go to your presentation.**

**Jane-Foster: Fine.**

* * *

 

 

**Jane-Foster: Did you give him the dog?**

**S_Rogers: Yes.**

**Jane-Foster: And?**

**S_Rogers: He started crying.**

**Jane-Foster: Wonderful. I just got him to switch to the _American Tail_ soundtrack!**

**Jane-Foster: How bad is it? What’s he’s playing now?**

**S_Rogers: Well, he’s now listening to _All Dogs Go To Heaven_.**

**Jane-Foster: Great. Another kid’s movie that makes people cry.**

**S_Rogers: Look, I’ll keep the dog at my place, okay? And the movie isn’t that sad.**

**Jane-Foster: Burt Reynolds died in it!**

* * *

 

 

**Darcy_Lewis: Hey, you might want to talk to Glow Heart.**

* * *

 

 

**Jane-Foster: Tony what did you do?**

**T-Stark: Hey Doc! How was the presentation?**

**Jane-Foster: It went fine. Did you get Loki a pet?**

**T-Stark: Yeah, a kitten. One of those Norwegian Forest breeds.**

**Jane-Foster: Why?**

**T-Stark: Because your building doesn’t allow dogs. If you want, I can buy the building and get that reversed.**

**Jane-Foster: No Tony! You need to take the cat back! He already cried when Steve got him a dog!**

**T-Stark: Cap got him a dog?**

**Jane-Foster: Tony, take the cat back.**

**T-Stark: I can’t.**

**Jane-Foster: Why not?**

**T-Stark: It cost $500.**

**Jane-Foster: YOU’RE A BILLIONAIRE!**

**T-Stark: I also had to apologized to an ex-girlfriend and me and Pepper are going to a charity event.**

**T-Stark: Also, I already gave him the cat.**

* * *

 

 

**Jane-Foster: Steve, what’s going on now?**

**S_Rogers: He stopped crying.**

**Jane-Foster: And what about the cat and dog?**

**S_Rogers: They’re with him, so that’s promising.**

**Jane-Foster: What soundtrack is he playing?**

**S_Rogers: The one with the baby dinosaurs, when the mother dinosaur died.**

**Jane-Foster: Oh god.**

**Jane-Foster: How am I going to explain this to Thor? He got Loki out of Asgard so he wouldn’t be traumatized anymore.**

**T-Stark: Yes, because his life now is so safe.**

**S_Rogers: Tony.**

**T-Stark: What?**

**S_Rogers: Please stop.**

**S_Rogers: Jane, at Asgard, the boy had to escape assassination attempts and had to fight warriors from an actual hell. Here, we got him a kitten and a puppy. And he's going to counseling. You and Thor are doing a great job with him.**

**Jane-Foster: Are we?**

**S_Rogers: Yes. And now he’s listening to the one with the genius rats.**

* * *

 

 

**Darcy_Lewis: Hey, you might look at the kid’s Tumblr.**

**Jane-Foster: Tumblr? What could he blog about?**

**Darcy_Lewis: What all tweens blog about- movies and memes. And all the Avengers antics. Look for JourneyintoAsgardia.tumblr.com**

**Jane-Foster: He posted like 50 pictures of the cat and dog.**

**Jane-Foster: He even named them!**

**S_Rogers: They sure do look cute.**

**Jane-Foster: Now all I all have to do is explain this to my landlord.**

**MMurdock: No need Dr. Foster, it has been taken care of.**

**Jane-Foster: Murdock?**

**MMurdock: Yes, Miss Lewis had contacted for my services. As I said, I was able to explain this to Mr. Palina, and reminded him of the lease’s allowance for therapy pets. The dog, named Kay, is registered.**

**Jane-Foster: The dog is a therapy pet?**

**MMurdock: He is one now. Also, Mr. Palina is sympathetic to your ward’s situation and is willing to make an exception if it might help him. And the bill has been taken care of.**

**Jane-Foster: Thank you.**

**MMurdock: Your welcome. Also, Foggy says that you should look at Loki’s latest post.**

**Jane-Foster: Oh god.**

**S_Rogers: “Today is the best birthday ever. Meet Kay and Aud.”**

**T-Stark: Good thing we got him the furballs then, huh?**

* * *

 

**Jane-Foster: Darcy.**

**Darcy_Lewis: I already got the cake.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why I referenced so much of Don Bluth's movies in this. 
> 
> So, like it? Hate it? Have opinions on improvement and who might be next?


	8. Last Week of School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a lot crazy things happen and Scott tries to be an adult.

**Monday, Two days Before Summer Break**

**Scott** : Parker, are you done with the conference?

 **Webhead** : Yeah, just finished up. If anyone asks, Johnny was sober the entire time. And with me the whole time. And nowhere near that one pier.

 **Scott** : Okay, I’ll provide you and Fire-Boy an alibi but I need a favor.

 **Webhead** : Is about the investigation? Or do you need Spider-Man to help break someone out?

 **Scott** : What? No. Can you make an appearance for Cassie’s graduation party on Wednesday?

 **Webhead** : Make an appearance?

 **Scott** : You’re like her second favorite superhero and it would blow her friends’ minds if you’d come.

 **Webhead** : That’s great but I have finals to make up for.

 **Scott** : Didn’t you just offer to help me with breaking and entering?

 **Webhead** : …

 **Webhead** : Yes.

 **Scott** : And wouldn’t be great to make a bunch of kids happy? One of whom is my daughter?

 **Webhead** : You have read the papers about me, right?

 **Scott** : You’re about as menacing as a growling puppy and you have parental approved.

 **Webhead** : Parents approve of me?

 **Scott** : Yes, I approve of you, so are you coming on Wednesday?

 **Webhead:** Fine. I can do an afternoon with little kids.

 **Scott:** Party starts at 10: 30, be sure to do the superhero landing.

 

* * *

 

 

**Wednesday, After the Party**

**Stark** : WHAT THE HELL LANG?!

 **Scott** : Stark? What time is it?

 **Stark:** Its “Time to tell me how the hell did Peter end up on the Channel 5 news and is now hiding out with SHIELD” time. You’re late.

 **Scott** : He was helping out with my daughter’s graduation party. And he’s with the SHIELD to lay low after that giant balloon spider gain consciousness.

 **Stark:** What?

 **Scott:** Long story.

 **Stark:** Please elaborate.

 **Scott:** So, he went to Cassie’s party. And Johnny Storm came too. They were a hit. They kept the pyrotechnics and webbing to a minimum.

 **Stark:** And how did the giant spider gained consciousness?

 **Scott:** Loki came with them. And he was showing the other kids all the magic stuff he learned with Strange.

 **Stark:** …

 **Stark:** …

 **Stark:** Why didn’t they go to MIT? The worse there is a drunken frat party and a possible stolen car.

 **Scott:** Stark, its Peter. He would’ve definitely found bigger problems than drunk frat boys.

 

* * *

 

 

**Thursday, Morning**

**Hank:** Scott, why is there a child in my house?

 **Scott:** You know him. Its Loki, Thor’s …ward, nephew, brother’s clone… Thor’s kid brother.

 **Hank** : His very crazy origin doesn’t answer my question.

 **Scott:** My hands are full with Cassie and helping Paxton with this fallout and Hope is busy, and SHIELD has this rule where they can take only one of the Mayhem Children at a time, so Parker’s with Fitzsimmons, Storm is hiding out with some of his sister’s friends and well, Loki is with you until I can pick him up.

 **Hank:** I am not a daycare.

 **Scott:** He’s not a toddler. Look you have books and Netflix, just ban magic use and you’ll be fine.

 **Hank:** And the reason why he’s not with Storm instead of a complete stranger?

 **Scott:** Turns out his sister has a rule that Loki can’t be alone with him after that “Living Fire” incident.

 **Hank:** And I’m the last resort you got?

 **Scott:** Just until I can get him to Lewis.

 **Hank:** You owe me big time.

 

* * *

 

 

**Thursday Night**

**Hope:** Scott.

 **Scott:** Hey, how did the thing go?

 **Hope:** It went fine. Everything was going fine and then I got a call from Dad. There’s a mountain of ants in his backyard.

 **Scott:** Huh, so Hank and Loki it off.

 **Hope:** Scott.

 **Scott:** Yeah?

 **Hope:** Please stop introducing the Mayhem Children to new people.

 **Scott:** Paxton said the same thing.

 **Scott:** Oh, good news. Cassie’s party was a hit according to her.

 **Hope:** That’s nice.

 **Hope:** Now please help me deal with the ant mountain.

 **Scott:** Yes, ma’am.

 

* * *

 

**Friday**

**Peanut:** Hi Dad.

 **Scott:** Hey Peanut.

 **Peanut:** Is Spider-Man and Loki okay?

 **Scott** : Yeah, they're with Stark.

 **Peanut:** Cool. Tell them I said and thanks.

 **Scott:** Okay.

 **Peanut:** And Dad?

 **Scott:** Yeah.

 **Peanut:** Best party ever. Thanks.

 **Scott:** Your welcome. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, who's next?


	9. In the manner of humans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vision is about two years old and is a very intelligent and very mature individual, but he does have much to learn.

**The following is a recommendation on how to improve on certain behavior. You may take this advice or continue to behave as you do.**

**Etiquette:**

It is impolite to point how much or how little one eats.

When entering a room, you must enter it through the door frame, not through the walls and please announce your presence when doing so, or when arriving anywhere

Do not follow Mr. Stark’s example of arriving anywhere.

 

**Behavior toward minors and young people:**

Please stop fulfilling requests of the younger members and pupils. This includes Noh Varr’s record collection, Young Loki’s Risk game and trip to the satellites, and Mr. Parker’s upgrade on the Iron Spider.

Allowing an adolescent go through a series of dangerous, possibly life-threatening events, and leave without an adult, is unacceptable in society. Therefore, the course “The Training for Heroism” for Loki will be discontinued.

Please take note of ratings on all forms of entertainment and unless you have the permission of a legal guardian, it would be wise to adhere to the recommended rating.  

 

**Social Activities:**

While some do post records of their Date Night, we implore to not do this with Ms. Maximoff.

This cannot be stressed enough, please stop volunteering for Game Night, and usually board games are used for entertainment not for education and cannot be used in real life situations. 

 

**Cooking and Food**

If informal recipes are too difficult to understand, use recipes with exact measurements and terms. If you cannot find those, please considers these:

A pinch- an amount that can be taken between the thumb and forefinger, 1⁄8 teaspoon

A smatter- a small amount of something; varies with the amount of food. Example can be a gallon of soup could use a smattering of salt or a teaspoon of salt.

Drizzle- an amount of sauce or syrup that is pour quickly on the food.

Dollop- A spoonful of anything to add on top of another food.

Blanch- a cooking process wherein the food substance, usually a vegetable or fruit, is plunged into boiling water, removed after a brief, timed interval, and finally plunged into iced water or placed under cold running water (shocking or refreshing) to halt the cooking process.

Fold in- The process of blending a light ingredient, such as beaten egg whites, into a heavier ingredient by lifting from underneath with a spatula or spoon In order to fold ingredients properly, the heavier ingredient is placed at the bottom of a bowl and the lighter above.

Also, until you can see the difference between spices and other ingredients, please have an assistant on hand at all times.

**If you have questions, you may contact this line of communication 7ai. 890. uiche00. ext.**

* * *

 

**Vision:** Stark, I received a memo of a curious nature and hope to be enlightened to it.

**Stark:** Yeah, remember that dinner that we went to last week?

**Vision:** Yes, I do.

**Stark:** Well, after that and you helping the kids with that thing in Level 9, SHIELD got FRIDAY to write that. 

**Vision:** And what would the correct response to this would be?

**Stark:** Ignore all of it. Except the stuff on the cooking. 

**Vison:** Very well. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was hard. Like really hard. Who's next?

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are encouraged.


End file.
